In honor of hump day, and Britney Spears releasing an album of “If You Seek Amy” remixes today (yes, the world demanded six more versions of that song printed on a compact disc), here are a few of my favorite things Britney Spears has humped in her videos.
A Car Sinking in a Swimming Pool
Britney’s clinging to a sinking car and humping it. What a brilliant metaphor for her relationships.
A Sauna
Hot. Steamy. Hepatitis-y.
The American Work Force
No wonder we suck at everything now.
A Xerox Machine
Britney actually wasn’t wearing underwear, so that big, dark space between her legs is, in fact, the big, dark, space between her legs.
A Chair
Notice that she has pinned the chair down so it can’t escape.
Same Chair, Different Position
Jeez, she’s humping the chair and herself at the same time? That’s just demoralizing for that poor chair.
Same Chair Again, but Now It’s on Top
You can only hump a chair so many times before it flips the tables and starts humping you. In all fairness, I should point out, later in the video that same chair throws itself in front of a speeding car.
No shit, that really happens at 2:20 in the video.
A Bedazzler
Well, at least we can see the bedazzler didn’t get her pregnant.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
You know things have gotten out of hand when you hump Rio de Janeiro in it’s entirety, and even Rio de Janeiro is like “sooo, when was the last time you were tested?”
A Stewardess’ Refreshment Cart
“Yes, ma’am it’s $5 for a granola bar, $10 if you don’t want me to hump it.”
The Only Applicant ever Rejected from the Mile High Club
Dear recent applicant to the Mile High Club,
We regret to inform that despite the fact that your paper work was in order and technically you did have sex in a bathroom at an elevation equal to or in excess of one (1) mile, we have rejected your application for admission to the MHC on the grounds that humping Britney Spears is more common and easier achieved than self-gratification.
PS: Usually we recommend that rejected applicants stay in touch and re-apply sometime in the near future, however, given your actions, we are requesting that you not hump anybody again, at any elevation.
*Still want more humping? Check out a few of my favorite things Lady Gaga, Peaches, Marilyn Manson, Fergie, and Eminem have humped.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Britney Spears rocks!. she is the female version of Michael Jackson. i have been listening to the song of britney spears ever since 1998. love live britney.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Britney Spears is worthy of the title Queen of Pop. i really admire her because of her talent and sexiness.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
[...] exploitative whoring of the death of one of the music industry’s biggest tricks, but you and MTV, um, yeah, you’re both part of the machine that killed [...]